What if simple ideas could change the way we understand ourselves?

The fundamental presuppositions of NLP

Let’s begin with a simple experience:

Take a deep breath… and slowly exhale…

Now, remember the last time something, a message, a look, or even a silence, annoyed you, hurt you, or simply caught your attention.

Briefly relive that situation, without trying to analyze it.

No why. No how. No “it’s their fault…”

Just observe:

• what you felt

• what you told yourself

• the conclusion you drew

And ask yourself this question:

What if this reaction wasn’t “reality”… but a way of reading it?

Invisible glasses

Imagine that you have been wearing glasses your whole life. Special glasses. They slightly color everything you see: people, situations, memories, emotions.

The problem is, you’ve forgotten that you’re wearing them. So what you see feels like reality itself.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) offers a simple idea:

• What if some of these glasses could be adjusted?

To understand and explore this, the founders of NLP introduced what they called presuppositions. Presuppositions are not absolute truths. They are ideas we choose to try, like working hypotheses.

Some of these ideas have a surprising effect:

They can instantly change the way we understand ourselves...

...and the way we understand others.

What presupposing implies… and what it does not imply

Before going further, it’s important to clarify what the word “presupposition” really means. In NLP, a presupposition is not a scientifically proven truth. It is a working hypothesis. In other words, an idea we choose to use because it can influence our attention and our way of acting.

NLP researcher and trainer Robert Dilts himself describes presuppositions as “useful foundations,” but not necessarily experimentally provable.

So it’s important to avoid a common confusion:

Just because an idea is a presupposition in NLP does not mean it is universally true.

The real question becomes: In which situations is this presupposition useful, neutral, or sometimes problematic?

For example, the well-known presupposition: “There is no failure, only feedback” can be very useful for learning and growth. It encourages us to see results as information rather than judgment. However, taken literally, it may also minimize the reality of certain difficult situations.

A more precise way to phrase it would be: “In a safe and constructive context, it can be useful to consider results as information that helps adjust one’s strategy.”

The same caution applies to other presuppositions. For instance, saying that “a person always makes the best possible choice” can foster a more open, less judgmental relational stance. But it does not mean that all behaviors are objectively the best or healthiest.

It simply means that, at a given moment, with their resources, history, and perception, the person made the choice that seemed most appropriate to them, even if the consequences may be problematic.

Similarly, some ideas from therapeutic practice must be used with discernment. For example, considering that a relational difficulty comes from a lack of adjustment between two people can help improve communication. But this idea becomes problematic if it is used to ignore refusal, impose an intervention, or minimize someone’s experience.

It is also important to remember that, despite NLP’s popularity in coaching and personal development, scientific studies on its therapeutic effectiveness remain limited and sometimes contradictory.

In other words: these ideas can be practical, insightful, and inspiring… but they do not replace rigorous scientific validation, especially in health-related fields.

The simplest approach is to use presuppositions as tools for reflection and exploration…

… not as absolute laws.

The map is not the territory

This is probably the most well-known presupposition in NLP. Coined by philosopher Alfred Korzybski, it means something very simple :

A representation is never reality itself.

Let’s take an example. If you look at a map of Paris, you will see streets, monuments, metro stations. But the map does not contain :

• the smell of bakeries

• the noise of traffic

• the warmth of the sun on buildings

• the people walking in the streets

The map is a simplified representation. And this is exactly how our brain works. We never perceive the world as it truly is. We perceive a simplified version of it, constructed by our brain. As mentioned in the previous article (“The reality we live may not be what we think”), this map is shaped by our education, experiences, culture, emotions… and three essential filters : deletion, generalization, and distortion.

This is why two people can experience the same situation… and interpret it in completely different ways.

A simple example : A teacher returns a test graded 12/20.

One student thinks : “This isn’t good… I’m terrible.”

Another thinks : “I passed ! I can do better next time.”

Same situation.

Two different inner maps.

And therefore, two different experiences.

And this idea opens an interesting question :

If we live in a map… perhaps we can sometimes modify it.

Try it :

Go back to the situation you recalled earlier, the last time something, a message, a look, or even a silence, annoyed you, hurt you, or simply caught your attention.

You gave it a meaning:

• “He’s ignoring me”

• “This isn’t fair”

• “I’m not good enough”

• “It’s my fault”

Now, without denying that interpretation… simply add: “That’s one way of seeing it.”

Then look for two other possible interpretations.

Not necessarily true.

Just possible.

Observe !

What changes in how you feel?

There is no failure, only feedback

In many situations, we use the word failure.

A failed exam = failure

A project that doesn’t work = failure

A relationship that ends = failure

Very quickly, the brain turns these events into conclusions: “I failed.”, “I’m not good enough.”, “I never succeed.”, “I’m a failure.”

NLP suggests another way of looking at things: There is no failure. There are only results. And every result provides information.

Scientists have used this logic forever. When an experiment doesn’t work, they don’t say: “I’m bad at science.” They say: “Interesting… this method doesn’t work. Let’s try something else.”

Thomas Edison, for example, tested thousands of materials before inventing the light bulb.

When asked, “Didn’t it discourage you to fail so many times?” He replied: “I did not fail. I simply discovered thousands of ways that do not work.”

This way of thinking transforms our relationship with learning.

Because when we stop judging the person…

we simply observe the strategy.

And a strategy can always evolve.

Try it :

Think of something you consider a failure.

Now change one thing.

Replace: “I failed” with “I got a result”

Then ask yourself:

“What does this result teach me?”

Not about you.

About your way of doing things.

Observe !

What changes?

Every behavior has a positive intention

This presupposition may seem surprising at first. It does not mean that all behaviors are good.

Some actions can be harmful. But behind every behavior, there is almost always a positive intention.

The brain is constantly trying to meet a need.

Take the example of a child who lies. The behavior is not desirable. But the intention might be:

• avoiding punishment

• protecting someone

• preserving love

The same applies to adults:

• anger

• procrastination

• avoidance

• compulsive eating

These behaviors often aim to:

• protect oneself

• avoid pain

• maintain a sense of safety

• seek comfort

Understanding the positive intention does not mean accepting all behaviors.

It simply means understanding what the brain is trying to protect.

And that understanding often opens the door to new ways of meeting the same need.

Try it :

Think of a behavior that bothers you, yours or someone else’s.

Now ask: “What is this behavior trying to protect?”

Maybe:

• avoiding pain

• feeling safe

• staying in control

• feeling loved

Without trying to justify anything… just try to understand.

Observe !

Does it change your perspective?

The meaning of communication is the response you get

We often think communication means clearly expressing what we think. But the reality is more complex. NLP suggests a simple idea:

The meaning of communication is not what you intended.

It is what the other person understands.

Writer Bernard Werber humorously put it this way: “Between what I think, what I want to say, what I believe I say, what I say, what you want to hear, what you hear, and what you understand… there are many chances for misunderstanding. But let’s give it a try !”

Communication is not a message transferred from one brain to another.

It is the meeting of two maps of the world.

When we speak, we use words that summarize our experience. But the other person interprets those words through their own history, emotions, beliefs, and memories.

Imagine a parent saying to a child: “I’m telling you this for your own good.” The intention may be kind. But if the child hears: “You’re never good enough,” then the message is not the same.

This is why communication sometimes requires adjustment.

Not to manipulate.

But to ensure the message truly lands.

A sentence like: “You should be careful” can be heard as advice, criticism, concern, or even attack.

The message is never only in the words.

It is also in the inner map of the listener.

Try it :

Think of a recent conversation that didn’t go as expected. You had an intention. But the other person reacted differently.

Now shift your perspective:

What you meant ≠ what they understood

And ask yourself:

“What in my communication produced that response?”

Without guilt.

With curiosity.

Observe !

What do you now understand?

What can you adjust?

People already have the resources they need

This presupposition is central. It does not mean everything is easy. It means that human beings already possess capacities for adaptation, learning, and transformation.

We have all learned: to walk, to speak, to solve problems, to overcome challenges…

Which means the brain already knows how to evolve.

Therapy or coaching does not always consist in adding something.

Often, it consists in reactivating what is already there.

Sometimes forgotten.Sometimes hidden.

Sometimes unused.

Try it :

Think of a current difficulty.

Then think of a time when you overcame something.

And ask: “What did I already have in me at that moment?”

Often, it’s still there.

Then make a quick list of what you already know how to do.

Observe:

How does this change the way you view yourself?

How does it affect your awareness of your abilities?

If one person can do it, others can learn to do it

This is one of the foundations of NLP. Its founders asked a simple question: « Why do some people achieve exceptional results? ».  And more importantly: « How do they do it? » Instead of seeing them as unique cases, they studied their thinking patterns, strategies, and behaviors.

They called this modeling.

The idea is simple: If someone can do something, there is a structure behind it. And a structure can often be learned. Just like learning a sport, a language, an instrument…

Excellence is not always a mystery.

Sometimes, it’s an invisible method.

Try it :

Think of someone who succeeds where you struggle.

Instead of thinking: “He’s different” or “He’s more talented than me”

Ask: “How does he do it?”, “What does he think?”, “What does he do differently?”

You move from comparison… to learning.

Observe !

What does this teach you?

Invite yourself to observe differently

NLP presuppositions are not meant to be believed. They are meant to be tested.

For a few days, try this:

• When something bothers you:

“What is creating this feeling in me?”

• When something doesn’t work:

“What does this teach me?”

• When someone behaves in a confusing way:

“What might this be trying to protect?”

• During a difficult conversation:

  “What did the other person understand?”

• When facing something overwhelming:

“What resources do I already have?”

Sometimes, a small shift in perspective is enough to open a new space.

Not because the world changes... But because the map expands.

And when the map expands… new paths appear.